


The Sound of Silence

by vogue91



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Johnny's Jr., Question?
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 21:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14198139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “How long have we been dating?” he asked then, and the other looked confused.“Almost a year... why?” he asked, trying to understand what he was getting at.He saw him bite down on his lips and lowering his eyes, before going on.“And during this year, how much time did you spend thinking about Yone?”





	The Sound of Silence

Yodogawa wasn’t one who liked talking too much.

He almost always looked at the others, getting his own ideas without exposing them, not making questions, never saying something superfluous, not necessary.

That was why he liked being with Question?.

When they were all together, it rarely happened to be necessary to speak.

To do that, he would’ve made himself some room between Fujiie’s ranting and Akun having fun encouraging him.

That was why he kept quiet, and he was fine this way.

When it was about face to face, on the contrary, things got much more complicated for him.

Since that morning, Fujiie had been giving him the cold shoulder. At breakfast he had ignored him, had eaten quickly his rice and tamagoyaki and had left the table, holing himself up in the studio with his bass until it had been time to go to the NHK’s studios.

And the same treatment had been reserved to him during the shooting for the Shounen Club.

Before starting he had been chatting with Gaki, pretending that Yodogawa didn’t exist, and then there hadn’t been any chance for them to be together.    

Now he was in the dressing room with all the others, and was picking up his stuff to go away, when he had heard Fujiie saying goodbye and getting out of the door quickly, his face definitely irritated.

Akun probably didn’t even notice, while Daisuke and Goto had looked confused at him, but Yoshihiro hadn’t bothered satisfying their curiosity.

He didn’t know what to say, anyway.

He didn’t know what was wrong with Fujiie, he didn’t know what was going through his mind, he didn’t know why he was mad at him and hadn’t even asked him.

He had hoped it was going to go away, but apparently he wasn’t going to get so lucky.

Lost in his thoughts, he picked up his things and waved at the other three, getting out of the room.

Once he reached the all, anyway, he was forced to stop.

Close to the main door, his back against the wall, Fujiie seemed to be waiting for something.

When he saw him coming he gesture him to get closer, and Yodogawa felt the sudden need to run away.

Knowing all too well how much that would’ve made things worse, he meekly joined the boy, stopping in front of him, waiting for him to say something.

“I’ve got to talk to you, Yoshihiro.” he said, a he felt the danger getting closer.

Being called with his full name was a clear alarm signal, and something he wasn’t used to.

“Fine. Where do you want to go?” he asked, low, expressing what little desire to argue he had.

The younger looked around briefly, then pointed at a door and they both went toward it, entering a small room with just a table and a few chairs inside, momentarily empty.

“No one should come here.” Fujiie said, leaning against the table and looking him straight in the eyes, as if he was waiting for him to say something.

His expectation didn’t lead to anything, and so he took the first step.

“When are you going to stop pretending that everything’s alright?” he asked, his voice sharp.

Yodogawa sighed.

He wasn’t expecting anything else; he knew how much the younger hated his silences, how much he hated the fact that he often ignored whatever was around him, more lead to bear than to act.

But that time, he was resigned to it, he wasn’t going to be able to avoid using his voice.

“I don’t even know what your problem is, Yori.” he said, honestly.

The other raised an eyebrow, sighing.

“Alright, if you don’t know that I’ll explain it to you.” he was ironic. “How long have we been dating?” he asked then, and the other looked confused.

“Almost a year... why?” he asked, trying to understand what he was getting at.

He saw him bite down on his lips and lowering his eyes, before going on.

“And during this year, how much time did you spend thinking about Yone?”

His voice was different now. He looked tormented, anguished, as if saying those words physically hurt him, but couldn’t help saying them anyway.

Yodogawa opened his mouth, as to answer, but he couldn’t straight away.

He repeated in his mind his boyfriend’s words, he thought about what they meant, and for the second time he really wanted to run.

Again, anyway, he stayed.

“What are you talking about? I... I haven’t been thinking about him, not since I’m with you.” he replied, so low that he didn’t sound sincere to his own ears.

The other made a sarcastic sound, then spoke again. 

“Don’t make a fool of me, please. I’m tired, Yodi. I truly am. I don’t think I can keep competing with Yonemura, even now that he’s gone. I’ve done that for so many years, I’ve been after you for too long trying to mean for you what he did, and when the two of you broke up and you’ve chosen to be with me I thought it was finally going to be over.” he raised his eyes again, his eyes were misty. “But apparently I was wrong.” he whispered, then kept quiet.

“You’re delusional.” he could only say, while he started to panic, not knowing how much longer he was going to bear the weight of that argument, of that particular topic, that was the last once he wanted to deal with.

Fujiie stood up from the table and got closer, until he was just a few inches apart from him, until the other could see all the signs of his suffering on his face.

“Last night you whispered his name, and you didn’t even realize it. While you were having sex with me.” he clicked his tongue and shook his head. “I’m not crazy, Yodi. Don’t pretend you’re not still thinking about him, don’t pretend you haven’t kept hoping that he was in my place, every time we’ve been together.” he went on, not masking the accusation in his voice. “Because that’s how it is, isn’t it?” he asked, dangerously close to tears.

The elder kept watching him.

When Yonemura had left Question? behind, he had done the same with him.

He had suffered, a lot, and had never showed it.

He knew Fujiie had always understood how bad he felt, and he had let him make some room in his life, he had let him soothe him, even if never openly, he had let him hug him, had completely let go to him, until one night they had found themselves naked inside a bad, and he didn’t even know why.

He loved him for all he had done for him.

He was grateful, and was always going to be

Now, he owed him at least some honesty.

“It’s true.” he whispered, without the courage of looking him in the eyes. “I’ve kept thinking about Yone. I’ve kept wishing he hadn’t gone away, that he hadn’t broken up with me. But...” he hesitated, trying to choose his words carefully. “But I’ve never desired him in your place. The fact that I think about him doesn’t mean there’s no room for you, Yori. I... I like being with you.” he said, and wasn’t able to add anything else.

He raised his eyes on him, and saw him clench his fists and biting his lips, as to hold back the tears.

“Do you love me?” he asked, surrendering. “And answer me honestly, I’m begging you. You owe it to me.”

Yodogawa swallowed, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers.

He took his time to caress it, testing the softness of his skin beneath his own, brushing the bass’ callouses, thinking about how much he liked to feel those hands on him.

And then, he let it go.

“I’m sorry, Kazuyori.” he whispered.

The other nodded. Once, twice.

And then he quickly left the room, so that the elder wouldn’t have seen him cry.

Yodogawa stayed there, motionless.

He shouldn’t have let go of that hand. He shouldn’t have let Fujiie go.

He wished he was strong enough to get over Yonemura, to close the wound he had caused inside of him, and learn to love Fujiie like he loved him.

But he hadn’t, and he had lied to him and himself too long to keep doing it.

And now that he was completely alone, he couldn’t help but thinking he deserved that.

He had suffered, and made him suffer.

He couldn’t win, not in this circumstance.

He would’ve gone back home, as if nothing had happened, letting the memories of Yone’s presence between those walls blending with Fujiie’s.

He would’ve wallowed in the thought of what he had lost, because it was the only thing he deserved. 


End file.
